See Trials

I had to start taking my Zyrtec again for my allergies, so most of my eye puffiness is gone. However the dark circles remain, so I’ve embarked upon another beauty trial:

Reviva Undereye Dark Circle Serum:  A biopeptide/bioflavanoid complex with enzyme activators and lighteners.

BEFORE shot, August 2011:  I thought my undereye regions were pretty much equal, but now that I’m looking at this photo from last summer I’m starting to wonder.  See the line under my left eye? Maybe I chose the wrong eye to test.

These three were taken this morning, all in the same light, and I hope the same angle.  I’ve been treating the right eye for one week and it looks better than the left, but comparing it to my August “before” shot I don’t know whether or not I should be impressed.

So this is what I’m going to do:  I’m going to switch eyes, and treat my “worse” eye for a month or when I run out of product, whichever comes first.   My assessment so far, however, is that the serum is NOT a moisturizer.  It has a tightening effect that may be useful on other parts of the face. I could apply another eye moisturizer over it, but I don’t want to corrupt my results. Sometimes I put some petroleum jelly over it at night before I go to bed.

Another thing: You can’t put makeup over it, because it will flake.  Maybe a daytime moisturizer would help, but for now I have to chose between twice a day application and concealer.  Oh well, I guess who cares if the people I work with think I’m exhausted? I am!

Ingredients: Demineralized Spring Water, Dmae Bitartrate, Glycerin (Vegetable), Palmitoyl Oligopeptide, Palmitoyl Tetrapeptide-3, Hydroxysuccinamide, Chrysin, Polysorbate-20, Mulberry Extract, Hyaluronic Acid, Steareth-20, Hydrolyzed Soy Protein, Magnesium Ascorbyl Phosphate, Hydroxyethlycellulose, Simethicone, Potassium Sorbate, Sodium Benzoate, Citric Acid.

Read Full Post »

Fringe Benefits Update

I’ve completed a 3 month trial with Peter Thomas Roth Lashes to Die For.  I applied it to my left eye, and continued to apply Rapidlash to the right.  I don’t know if you can tell, because there is only a slight difference in the length, but Rapidlash has given me MUCH more thickness in the form of more lashes.  This is likely because there was much more “lash fallout” on the Roth side.

Conclusion: Rapidlash outperformed the Peter Thomas Roth product.

Caveat:  Switching from Rapidlash to Lashes to Die For may have triggered the lash fallout.  I doubt it however, because the fallout began at least two months after I started the Roth product.   Also, both formulas contain prostaglandin analogues, so they’re the same “type” of lash conditioner, but you never know. Switching formulas might pose problems.

Anyway, check out the bags under my eyes!  I stopped taking Zyrtec tfor my allergies. Obviously, the next product trial will be for eye creams that promise to get rid of eye bags and dark circles!

Read Full Post »

Stink-eye

A product test or experiment ends when I can’t stand it anymore.  If Pinky is willing to throw out brand new merchandise you KNOW it’s bad.

So I was in Nordstroms, first time in years, and it occurred to me that it was my chance to try out Dior’s Extase mascara.  I hadn’t been able to find it anywhere else.  I already had a favorite, the new Voluminous with the no-clump applicator, but so many women were ecstatic about Extase I decided to give it a try.

It was AWFUL.  Clumps and blobs right out of the gate!  Wiping the applicator down with a tissue made it even worse. I spent what felt like forever combing my lashes, trying to get the blobs out.  After two weeks of frustration I threw the tube into the wastebasket.

To Dior’s credit, after the combing my lashes looked fine, and the mascara lasted all day without flaking or smudging.  But I hate clumpy mascara so I gave it a D-. YMMV.

Read Full Post »

Then, Now and Later

(Yeah, I was thinking about botoxing my forehead again. It’s literally been years!  But I don’t have time for that right now. Or money for that matter.)

I might just be the most vain person on this planet.  I’m using it as a force for good, though: Telling y’all what works and what doesn’t. It’s time for anti-aging serum update!

I’d already crowned AQ Skin Solutions (formally AG) the champ of anti-aging serums in March of this year.  Five months later, it’s still my favorite. Four months ago I introduced Reluma Serum to my regimen, just in case it might be better, since the women at Truth in Aging were singing its praises.  Ingredients and price-wise Reluma is in the same class as AQ.  However, Reluma uses growth factors derived from adult stem cells. AQ uses stem cells from circumcision leftovers, which some people find gross. 

I began my first growth serum experiment in February.  By mid-March I was sold on the AQ, which was called AG back then.  I switched the AQ to the untreated side of my face (see photo on left below) so that it would catch up.

A few weeks later I bought the Reluma,  and sometime in April began my side-by-side serum test.  I gave Reluma an advantage over AQ by putting it on my left side, the one that had been getting the AQ treatment for over a month.

The differences in their smell and texture were irrelevant to me. Reluma is more of a thick gel than a serum, while the AQ is a pale yellowy serum.  Both absorbed well.  There was no way to tell, initially, which one would work better.

It took over a month for the right side of my face to catch up to the left, but AQ did its job well.   Meanwhile, the Reluma appeared to be holding its own.  The left side of my face didn’t deteriorate, so I concluded it was working at least somewhat.  I just couldn’t tell how well it was working.  I decided to keep up with the experiment and broke into my second bottle of Reluma.

The results of five months of AQ. The first photo was taken in mid-March.

No makeup!

I was using other products while I conducted this experiment, so I was being very unscientific.  For instance I continued to apply Retin-A on both sides, every other night, convinced I could remain objective.   I wasn’t worried that Retin-A would affect my results because I’ve been on Retin-A for 20 years for acne, and by now my face is what it is because of it. I don’t think it’s having an anti-aging affect anymore. 

I had one laser treatment for my rosacea in May. I also continued to cover my whole face with moisturizer at night, alternating between a cream with peptides and vitamin C with a cream with copper-peptides. I’m already well-acquainted with their effects, and both are very kind to my rosacea. Whatever they did for me, they did it to both sides.

 

March to July – Not bad!

Here’s my left side.  Again, no makeup! The first photo was taken in March, after one month of AQ. The second was taken mid-July.  By July I had been using the Reluma for three months. The spot on my chin was from my crazy hormones so I know the Reluma heals damaged skin. Normally the scar from a hormonal cyst will take several months to heal.

This was the point where I realized I should have taken more “before” shots.  I had a devil of a time getting photos with similar lighting and angles.  Certainly the growth serums didn’t change the color of my skin, and I certainly wasn’t laying out in the sun! 

(Reluma side)

The first photo above was taken in July after two months of AQ and two-ish months of Reluma. Notice the roughness is still there. Still, the texture is better than it was in March! The photo to the right is from today.

 

As we creep toward Autumn – this is a long experiment! –  I’ve noticed my right side (AQ) seems to be doing a little better than my left.  I’m also beginning to worry that my left side is losing its prior gains, because I’m not as happy with it as I was in July. I still have half of my second bottle of Reluma and plan to use it all, but I’m not really seeing much improvement compared to what AQ has done for me.

July, early August and today. All AQ.

It occurred to me that I’d put on a little makeup the morning the photo on the far right was taken, but I’m pretty certain it had all worn off by the time I got home, when I took the picture. Consequently the far right photo might have a little makeup obscuring the results.  Consequently, don’t  give either serum credit for the apparent approval in my skin tone!  It’s all an illusion.  My skin tone has improved, but I need an “apples to apples” comparison photograph to prove it.

(Reluma side not looking so good this week)

All three of the above photos are from the Reluma side, taken tonight (update: Friday, in better lighting) after I got home from work.  Pay no mind to the red splotch; it’s from snuzzling the cat. It’s real hard to tell what’s going on, if anything, and as you can see from the side shot the shadowy marionette-line-in-training still needs work.  It almost looks like a “before” shot! Some roughness is still there, but my left side has some bad acne scarring so I won’t dwell on it.  Over time I expect it to improve, but I wonder if it would have looked better had I just stuck with the AQ.

To the touch, it feels as though my skin has thinned out a little, at least compared to the AQ side.  It’s certainly possible I’m imagining things, but the AQ side feels firmer than the Reluma side. It would take an extremely precise mini-caliper to know for sure.  Spooky can’t tell the difference, and thinks I worry too much.

Conclusion:  AQ outperformed the Reluma. Probably. I’m anxious to end my experiment and devote both sides to AQ, so I guess that’s all that matters. Not to say the Reluma growth media doesn’t work, because I am really happy with the Reluma eye serum (test underway).  AQ, for whatever reason, appears to work better with my skin, so when it’s time to restock my face serum I’m definitely choosing AQ!

Read Full Post »

Vanity Halftime Report

 

I’m about five months into my growth factor serum test and I AM seeing results with both the AQ and Reluma products.  Skin feels a bit thicker, scars seem smoothed out, skin tone has improved, and I haven’t had a breakout since my laser disaster. I really can’t tell which product is better, so if you want to try a bottle just  look for the best price per ounce.

I have several before and after shots but it’s frustrating, trying to get them to show the exact same lighting, the exact same exposure, and the exact same angle, AND the exact same expression. Let’s just say it’s impossible unless you’re in a lab setting or something like it.   Overexpose a photo just slightly and voila, wrinkles disappear. Smile just a teeny bit and the marionette lines disappear.  In fact I would not be surprised if some of the before and after shots you see in the magazine ads and television commercials were taken on the same day!

Still, I’ll keep trying.  By the six month mark I hope to have a before and after shot that tells the truth.

Read Full Post »

Product Review: Rapidlash Eyelash Conditioner

BEFORE AND AFTER

It took about 50 shots to get these photographs. Is that a sign of insanity or dedication? Who cares:  I figured the public needed a non-celebrity endorsement, and my results look completely different than those hawked at the Rapidlash website.

The three photos are unretouched and show the effect of a three months of Rapidlash eyelash enhancer.  As you can see they’re thicker but don’t look much longer, at least bare-lashed and seen from a normal distance.   My lashes are a little bit darker now, and I have purple eyelids, one of the stated side effects. You can see more of a difference with mascara because my eyelashes have blonde tips and darkening them makes them look longer.

I’m not sure if the extra length or thickness is worth $50 per month since I need to wear mascara anyway to see them.  Perhaps if I dyed my lashes I could stop wearing mascara . . . HMM. I hear some women are doing that now.  To get it done at a salon is cost prohibitive IMHO, but I’ve read that I can do it at home for $30ish and it lasts about a month. From a cost benefit perspective it could be worth it, if saving a few precious minutes in the morning were important to me. But I’m not sure if it is. Rapid Lash + Dye = $80 per month. I’d rather buy shoes.

Of course the cheapest option is to forget about it, and go through life au naturel.  But what’s the fun in that?

Read Full Post »

Laser Craters

Early last May I announced the intention to return to my laser doctor for a series of treatments, including Fraxel.  So how did it go? Terrible!

Who knew?  One of the possible side effects of laser treatments, even those meant to eliminate cystic acne scars, is cystic acne!  GAHHHHH!

So I was punished for my vanity with two new scars, one on my chin and the other on my cheek.  I didn’t even get the Fraxel; I’d settled for a basic rosacea treatment.   I’d never gotten post-laser breakouts before, but back in the day my hormones weren’t kicking my ass they way they are now.  My doc told me to wait until my breakouts stopped before trying again.   I may actually have to wait until menopause!

Now my focus is on removing scars the old fashioned way:  Retin-A and glycolic acid (but never at the same time).  Adding copper peptides to the mix should help, because they are anti-inflammatory. Hopefully the growth factor serums (I’m testing Reluma and AG) will help too.  We shall see.

Read Full Post »

Boehner and Reid, the Pair in Midair

Just when I’d stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines,
No one is there.

Don’t you love farce?
My fault I fear.
I thought that you’d want what I want.
Sorry, my dear.

– “Send in the Clowns”

I can’t bear to watch or listen to the drama over the debt ceiling, any more than I can bear to watch the end of the movie “Dances With Wolves,” especially the part where they kill Two Socks the pet wolf. 

I also think it’s cruel to lie to the American people what’s really happening:

“People keep looking for off-ramps. They don’t exist,” White House spokesman Jay Carney told reporters, saying the government would be “running on fumes” after the deadline unless the limit was raised.

What Mr. Carney fails to communicate is that even if we do raise the debt ceiling, or even eliminate it entirely, Washington D.C. is still doomed and we will still suffer for it.

My heart breaks a little for all those freshmen congresscritters, new to the Floor, all fired up and ready to knock heads, only to discover they were too late. I also feel grief, believe it or not, for the old timers who feel like they fought the good fight, including those who still insist on fighting to the bitter end (Boehner, I’m looking at you).  Those are the ones, I suspect, who don’t believe in an afterlife for this country.

“The U.S. is dead. Long live America!”

I hope people come to understand that it doesn’t matter if the United States goes under.  The United States is a corporate entity, whose statutes overlay the Constitution, the Law of the Land.  Underneath the U.S. corporation of D.C. lies America the Republic, who will never die, just as underneath the rubble of the Soviet Union lay Russia, who was there throughout.  Russians called themselves Russian throughout the communist experiment, and Americans will still call themselves Americans when this corporate experiment is transformed. You can kill a regime, but you can’t kill an idea.  Those who think otherwise are outnumbered.

Read Full Post »

A Leg up

I’ve not given up on my product reviews; it’s just that these things take time.  It’s important to use a product religiously for at least a month before deciding whether or not it works for you. Three months of devoted application has led me to conclude St. Ives is the best caffeine based anti-cellulite gel I’ve tried so far.   It’s full of health-supporting botanicals, it’s got no “bad stuff” in it,  it’s affordable, and it works. Good job, St. Ives!

Still, I think the Murad Firm and Tone Serum I tested in April  is much more firming than the St. Ives.  Sorry, but after the age of 40 these things matter. At least, they matter if one is vain, which I am. So I bought another tube.

I used the Murad on my left leg for comparison purposes, and St. Ives on the right.  I THINK the Murad worked better for me.  Spooky says he can’t tell the difference, but when I squeeze my left thigh it feels tighter and thicker to me than the right one does. The retinol and chili pepper (Capsicum Frutescens, AKA cayenne) in the formula may be the reason.  The Murad serum also has cat’s claw, a new big thing in leg creams. Retinol is FDA approved for increasing collagen production, cayenne is known to increase circulation, and cat’s claw is supposed to be anti-inflammatory.

The St. Ives contains many botanicals that the company claims to “energize” skin, and they might, but I don’t think any of them can match retinol or cayenne in their effectiveness. The jury is out for me on the cat’s claw. Just my opinion.

Not me! Mine aren’t that bad, but this is what I’m aiming for

The unfortunate catch:  The Murad is six times more expensive as the St. Ives. Booooooooo!  So here’s my advice: 

1. Purists may prefer the St. Ives formula anyway, because it’s paraben free. There is glycerin, but no dimethicone.  I’m not a purist so I don’t care.

2. If your cellulite blobs are extremely visible, and you’re young and your skin is still firm,  get the St. Ives. It works. It’s only ten bucks. 

3. You can buy generic capsaicin cream at your local drugstore if you want to try out the invigorating effects of cayenne.  The St. Ives and capsaicin creams together will set you back only $20, compared to $60+ for the Murad serum.  

4. If you’ve noticed thinning skin and are worried about age-related sag, open your wallet and give it up for Murad.  At least, pay until you find something cheaper that works as well, in which case please let me know.

5. But you’ve GOT to exercise too!  Muscles begin to atrophy at a distressingly fast rate when you don’t exercise, especially when you’re over 40.  Thinning skin and a shrinking muscles lead to skin laxity, which means skin doesn’t bounce back. Lax skin makes cellulite look so much worse than it has to.  Besides, exercise increases circulation better than ANYTHING.  Just DO it already. 

I need to take my own advice!

St. Ives ingredients:

Water (Aqua, Eau), Alcohol Denatured, Glycerin, Cyclopentasiloxane, Propylene Glycol, Cyclohexasiloxane, Caffeine, Acrylates/C10 30 Alkyl Acrylate Crosspolymer, Polyimide 1, Triethanolamine, Hydrolyzed Jojoba Esters, Menthyl Lactate, Disodium EDTA, Fragrance (Parfum), Limonene, Menthol, Linalool, Hexylcinnamal, Benzyl Salicylate, Yellow 6 Aluminum Lake (CI 15985) (CI 15985), Yellow 5 Lake (CI 19140), Sorbitol, Vitis Vinifera (Grape) Seed Extract (Grape), Punica Granatum Extract, Olea Europaea (Olive) Leaf Extract (Olive), Camellia Sinensis (Green Tea) Leaf Extract, Sambucus Nigra (Elderberry) Flower Extract, Primula Veris Extract, Helianthus Annuus Extract (Sunflower), Chamomilla Recutita (Matricaria) Flower Extract (Matricaria), Rosmarinus Officinalis (Rosemary) Extract (Rosemary), Citrus Tangerina (Tangerine) Extract (Tangerine), Citrus Medica Limonum (Lemon) Peel Extract (Lemon)

Murad ingredients (warning! I see different ingredient lists when I look at other sites, and when I look at the box mine came in.  I think Murad changes its formula periodically. This list came from essentialdermcare.com):

Water, Alcohol Denat., Perfluorononylethyl Carboxydecyl PEG-10 Dimethicone, Glycerin,PPG-2 Isoceteth-20 Acetate, Cyclopentasiloxane, Ethoxydiglycol, Butylene Glycol, Sodium PCA, Dimethiconol, Punice Granatum Extract, Phospholipids, Tocopheryl Acetate, Retinyl Palmitate, Ascorbyl Palmitate, Uncaria Tomentosa Extract, Lycium Barbarum Fruit Extract, Paulinia Cupana Seed Extract, Cysteic Acid, Mentha Piperita (Peppermint) Extract, Pantetheine Sulfonate, Carnitine, Benzyl Alcohol, Lactic Acid, Caprylic/capric Triglyceride, Retinol, Lecithin, Caffeine, Atelocollagen, Centella Asiatica Extract, Esculin, Salicylic Acid, Menthol, Capsicum Frutescens Fruit Extract, Pentylene Glycol, Carbomer, Xanthan Gum, Acrylates/c10-30 Alkyl Acrylate Crosspolymer, Maltodextrin, Microcrystalline Cellulose, Aminomethyl Propanol, Benzyl Nicotinate, Sodium Chondroitin Sulfate, Phenoxyethanol, Methylparaben, Propylparben, Ethylparben, Butylparaben, Isobutylparaben, Limonene, Linalool, Bourgeons De Cassis Absolute, Aniba Roseaeodora (Rosewood) Wood Oil, Ricinus Communis (Castor) Seed Oil, Gamma-Decalactone, Citrus Nobilis (Mandarin Orange) Peel Oil, Bucchu Ketone, Delta-decalactone, Ethyl Acetate, Nerolideol, Hex-3-Enyl Acetate, Citrus Auranthium (Orange) Oil, Salvia Sclarea (Clary) Oil.

Read Full Post »

Pinky Flips Out

The Jersey Shore is Fashion Hell.  When I finally realized it I panicked a little. But I’m getting used to it. Maybe, even, I’m beginning to enjoy it. A little.

I’m only an hour or two south of New York City, one of the premier fashion hubs for the world.  Fashion migrates a bit south but for the most part stops at the Monmouth/Ocean County line. I live in Ocean County, the Land that Fashion Forgot.  I think people like it this way.

 It’s not due to lack of money. Actually there’s so much money at the Jersey shore it’s almost embarrassing. This just does not matter, however: The moment one crosses into Ocean Country it’s Flip Flop Living. When I get a picture of Spooky’s pile of flip flops I’ll post it year and you’ll know what I mean.

So shed a tear for me, boo hoo, it lonely out here for a fashionista!  I have at least 50 pair of high heels but few places to wear them. Life isn’t like that here. High heels really aren’t appropriate most of the time. Besides, I don’t want my stiletto heels stuck between the planks on the boardwalk! 

When living in an area more attuned to Philadelphia I wore dresses often, and sometimes went for the dramatic with hats and capes. And knee-boots!  It was an artistic thing with me, maybe even a compulsion, an expensive one, but very colorful and cheaper than therapy. Today I still have subscriptions to fashion magazines to keep up with the general look and feel of the moment. Unfortunately it all looks silly and out of place in this beachy vacation paradise. 

Ye olde shopping grounds

For a year I continued to drive over an hour toward Philadelphia to get my fashion fix, because the far-inland region of South Jersey is pretty fancy.  After a year of sartorial confusion and making due I came to terms that I had a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. Horrors! Lord knows I tried to make up for it, but I couldn’t find much of anything at the local stores.  Mandees and Dress Barn do not count as “fashion” in Pinky’s world.  I like good tailoring. And I can’t find it in Ocean County, at least I’ve not been able to find it yet. 

Gotta cross the border to find this

So here the entire country is in an economic depression, and I’m worried about where to shop??? I know I know. LAME. For what it’s worth here though it seems New Jersey is doing okay, because the parking lots in Atlantic City are full and the beaches are jam packed.  The people here are driving normal cars (Toyotas, Chevys, Hyundai, etc.) so I know it’s not just the BMW/Mercedes crowd spending money. They’re just regular folks.

There are a few high end clothing stores in Atlantic County, at the Pier, and sometimes both Spooky and I will cross the border to indulge ourselves there, but for the most part only foolish tourists with too much money pay those prices.  Even the so-called “outlet” shops are too expensive. Unfortunately there are few alternatives because locals are not interested in fashion, and most tourists are trying to rid themselves of any concerns over their appearance, which I understand. I feel alone in my search for garb, but I carry on.

These guys/gals are from NEW YORK!!!!!

And we wish they’d STAY THERE!

The No Snooki Guide to the Jersey Shore

I’ve been watching the shore crowd and have come to a few conclusions.  There really is a “Jersey Shore look” but it’s different depending on one’s age.  If you watch TV, you’ve probably seen a lot of Seaside due to that unfortunate reality show. Teens and young adults at the Jersey Shore don’t necessarily dress like Snooki, who is a parody of herself and is from NEW YORK in any case.  However teens do typically look as if they’re on their way to or from the beach, even when they’re not.

Just like teens all over the United States, who express their individuality by dressing like everyone else, Jersey kids and teen tourists have a kind of standard shore uniform. The dress code for younger women appears to be short denim cutoffs and spaghetti strapped or low-cut shirts that leave little to the imagination. See Nicole Ritchie on the left: She’s rocking a more conservative form of the teen-or-very-young-adult look.

Younger men either dress like basketball players or take on the California surfer dude look. Whether these dudes actually play basketball or surf is beside the point.  The point is they must look as though they’re on their way to liesurely exert themselves, even when they’re not.

Teens and young adults are not at loss for things to buy at the Jersey Shore: There is a store offering t-shirts, sunglasses and flip flops on every block near the places where teens congregate. Grownups have a few more shopping options in Ocean County, but not many. There are three basic styles for full-grown adults at the New Jersey shore:

1.  Preppy

2. (men only) The Big Lebowski

3. (women only) Honey, You Shouldn’t Have (No really you shouldn’t have)

Style #1: Preppy.  I could dress like this every day and do just fine, for the rest of my life at the Jersey Shore. But I don’t want to, because it means I’d spend the rest of my life dressed like a boy. A preppy boy named Sterling or Thurston or Biff.

Here I thought the Prep Army was clustered in the Hamptons or Outer Banks. I was wrong! Believe it or not the Jersey Shore is a major prep outpost.  One’s preppy clothing choices include jeans/jacket prep, the plaid shorts/camp shirt prep, and the khaki/polo shirt prep. Clean cut and collegiate, preppy dressers who no longer wish to live in the logos from their alma maters shop at Tommy Bahamas, but only if they’re willing to leave Ocean County. Otherwise they shop at Old Navy, the Gap, Kohls or Target for their clothes, boat shoes and flip flops. 

A compromise:  “Sort of flip flops”

Yes, flip flops. The standard foot wear for all genders – and all three styles – is flip flops year round. Last year I overheard a woman talking about finding some “dress flip flops” and I wanted to scream. There are even “bridal flip flops” for sale at the Jersey Shore. Can you dig that? I couldn’t at first. Now I’m looking for my own pair. It took a year and a half, but I finally get it now: Flip flops worn inland announce “I’m on permanent vacation.” Only the very privileged can say that.

(I can’t believe I’m even considering it)

It’s a good thing both men and women embrace the preppy menswear look because otherwise I’d have nothing to wear.  Girly prep is extremely difficult to find. I see the shops here and there, but the old school Lady Lily Pulizer look is only occasionally seen in Ocean County, like the rare tropical bird, and then generally only on the 60+ crowd. Sometimes I wonder if I could be instrumental in bringing the Lily Pulitzer look back for young and middle aged adults. More options = better for Pinky!

For what it’s worth I could cross the Monmouth border to Coco Pari to escape preppy boy-dum (boy-dum = boredom, get it?) for my fashion fix.  Coco Pari probably the best fashion boutique in New Jersey, is less than an hour away, and features most of the big/hip designers.  Unfortunately, when Spooky took me to Red Bank to find my wedding dress I stepped into Coco Pari and discovered, to my dismay, that most of what’s offered there falls into the “Honey NO” category. Maybe it’s fine for North Jersey club scenes, but not here in Ocean County.

Style #2 (men only) The Big Lebowski 

The Big Lebowski  I-don’t-give-a-damn look is not exclusive to the Jersey Shore although it MAY have its roots here, even before California. Today it’s country-wide, involving variations on the jeans-tshirt-sportswear-pajama look that mutter “Don’t talk too loud, I’m still hung over.”  At the Jersey shore one can always get by dressing as if one does not give a damn, but only if one is a dude. Women are expected to put in at least a little effort, and generally they do.  And that’s a shame sometimes, as you will soon find out.  Read on . . .

Style #3: Honey, You Shouldn’t Have (No really you shouldn’t have). The “Honey You Shouldn’t Have, Really” look belongs almost exclusively to the female gender.  I’m not busting on working class women who may not know any better because the only money they see is on TV.  No ma’am, the Honey look requires lots of money.  It requires dark tanning-booth tans, ample cleavage, shockingly bad taste, and the delusion that dressing in tight clothes makes one look young or thin (it doesn’t).  Think “Jerseylicious” or Snooki playing dress-up.

 I don’t understand women who, on the one hand, take the time for full makeup and inch-long nails, tons of gold jewelry, the whole feminine works topped off with two pieces of bubble gum, but won’t make the effort to dress with a little dignity. I’m at a loss.

If it were not for the local TJMaxx, which occasionally offers out of season remnants from higher-end designers, I’d be in despair. Tahari is my new design refuge because generally the tailoring is good. I also like Jones of New York for work. I recently found a nicely black shift dress by Tahari, the kind Jackie O wore. Plain. Dignified. Preppy-boring but it can be worn anywhere. However, I still had to take it to a tailor to make it fit! Now I have something conservative enough to wear to a church or a funeral.

One fashion challenge down, but so many to go. On to my next search, this time for “summer casual dress clothes,” that elusive hybrid necessary for genteel-but-not-fancy social gatherings, especially shore-based night life. I’ve never really been able to pull off the look, because it’s always been either casual or dressy with me, plus I’m socially retarded in general. Given a toss-up I tend to overdress.  After a distressed survey of my local options I copped out: I followed Spooky’s lead and bought some long khaki shorts, drawstring linen pants, and a bunch of camp and polo shirts.  All very cheap. At least I can dress preppy now, the standard fallback position for the sartorially confused.  And think about how much money I saved! Now if only I could find the perfect dress flip flops . . .

Those are kittyprint flipflops!

Read Full Post »