Archive for the ‘Wait. What?’ Category

I do math all day at work

For those of you who attempted to comment while I was on hiatus from blogging, THANK YOU and SO SORRY I it took me so long to find you! All comments are now approved.

Where have I been? I wish my answer were more interesting: I’ve been working late nights. I was approved for a “reasonable accommodation” at my job, due to my morning dizzy spells. Now I get to work when I can and put in my time. When I get home from work it’s usually well past dark, and Spooky (bless him) usually has dinner on the table or is about to. No time for blogging! After dinner, I look after the cats and go to bed.

As Time Goes By . . . still a lot of catching up to do

On weekends we play catch-up, same as any 2-career couple with full lives.  No time for blogging! On my days off I’m at my other house, painting and spackling and sanding, getting it ready for a sale this spring. Yes, I’m selling the house!

I’m exhausted. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see Judi Dench staring back at me. Which wouldn’t be a problem – I mean, she’s a great actress and looks great – but she’s 78 years old! I’m fortysomething!  I hope she was fortysomething when she did As Time Goes By, because I swear I can relate to her character.

Will I keep blogging? I want to, so I believe I will.


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Oh, I’m so sorry I missed it: On Christmas some old priest-king clad in Prada slippers, flowing robes of silken embroidery and an enormous bejeweled golden hat warned Christians that the true meaning of Christmas was being lost to a sinful pursuit of “glitter.” Ya don’t say, Mr. Sparkle-Pontiff!

H/T: Wonkette

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Newt (noun)–a small, slimy, cold-blooded reptile with a primitive brain.

Newt Gingrich is not a lobbyist, or a womanizer, he insists!  No: He gives “strategic advice, from the private sector.”  He’s a consultant, especially to women’s ladyparts, and besides, he only actually married a few of them, and only dumped those when they got sick after he found someone newer/younger/dumber to put up with him.  

Those things “happened to him.”  They happened because he loved his country so much. Very unfortunate.  But God forgave him, the GOP will forgive him too!  And now that he’s getting older, slower and even uglier, even less likely to score now that he can’t pay off his account balance at Tiffany, Newt Gingrich has pledged to give up chasing tail, which is a bit like saying he’ll give up liver for Lent. While he’s at it though, he’ll also deny women abortion, oppose gay marriage, and decry Sharia law despite the fact he probably doesn’t even know what it is.*  Fixed!  He can run for president now! 

(Psst: Mr. Gingrich didn’t actually sign that pledge. Three other GOP presidential hopefuls have signed it, however.)

An advertisement for an online dating service called Ashleymadison.com which describes itself as the “the world’s premier extra-marital dating site”

Right wing talk show host Michael Savage has offered Newt Gingrich $1,000,000 to drop out of the race, but I don’t think Newt will accept it.  Men of Newt’s calibre are very weird about power. And what about those 85 ethics violations that got Newt run out of Congress, are the party faithful going to forgive him for those, too?  Actually, the Powers behind the GOP are hoping senility has set in with those who’d otherwise remember how much of a sleaze Newt was while he was Speaker of the House.

Newt’s battery operated blowup doll seems to approve of recent developments. Either that, or she “found some pills, and she eated them.”  Huh, you’d think by now they would be able to get the eyes right on those political wife androids.   Anyway, I wish those two a lifetime of happiness, just not in the White House. Egad. 

I didn’t watch the Dimwit Derby the other night.  I just couldn’t, because the GOP Clown Show is all the proof you need of how desperately the elites want us to re-elect Obama in 2012.  No matter which Republican candidate takes the nomination, he will be a non-choice, and on that I’ll place my last $10,000.

* There is no one “sharia law.”  Sharia is Arab for “The Path” and consists of principles and precepts whose interpretations can vary from country to country, even from village to village. A few rural backwaters in some Arab countries have brutal interpretations of what “justice” and “propriety” mean.

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Yet another excuse to avoid the gym! Who knew yoga was demonic?  Pastor Driscoll is at it again, warning the Flock away from the exercise trend of the decade:

“A faithful Christian can no more say they are practicing yoga for Jesus than they can say they are committing adultery for Jesus.”

It looks as though this controversial pastor has been warning his faithful against yoga for a long time:

 Yoga is demonic,” Driscoll said. “If you just sign up for a little yoga class, you’re signing up for a little demon class.”

Of course, this is the same pastor who said the movie Avatar was Satanic.

Many fundamentalist Christians have specific reasons for being suspicious of yoga.  Others simply don’t know much about it, but once introduced they relax. Sometimes literally, in class.  Unfortunately many fundamentalist preachers try to warn off their flock, convinced that yoga is the path to the Devil. Most of their reasons don’t make sense to a rational mind, and some aren’t even consistent with Biblical teachings.   I suppose cognitive dissonance is a small price to pay for keeping the Churchianity Control System in place.  I’ve done some wondering and reading, and I’ve concluded the conflict may be summed:

We’ve Always Been At War With Eastasia

1) Many Fundamentalists believe yoga cannot be separated from Eastern religious thought, which is supposedly antithetical to Christian beliefs.  Nevermind that it’s not.   This argument is also demonstrably false: People separate the Hindu belief system from their yoga exercises every day. People do yoga without ohming or chanting, and most folks know less than zero about Hindu gods. They associate Buddhism with calm states of being but don’t get too deeply into it.

Even if practitioners don’t separate the exercise and religious parts, eastern and western religious tenets really aren’t that different .   There are only a few differences, but apparently to fundamentalists they are dealbreakers.

1 Corinthians 3:16  Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

2) God Forbid:  Clearing the mind supposedly leaves space for “satan” to enter.  That it might create space for God to enter apparently hasn’t occurred to them.  I believe this comes from the dualistic thought processes of many westerners, i.e., clearing the mind creates “empty space,” a void that must be filled by something.  Somebody needs to reassure fundamentalists that “emptying the mind” is just a figure of speech, because in the holographic/fractal/timeless universe of God there is noplace else to go. God is All.

3)  Acknowledgement of the Energy Body or the Subtle Body – i.e., the idea that what makes you You is  more than just your physical form – is apparently a threat to Church doctrine. Soul/spirit is supposed to be a big part of the Christian faith, but getting in touch with that part of your Self that isn’t confined to your body, the part that is supposedly connected to the Divine, is WAY out of bounds.  If you get in touch with your energy body you might discover insights about God, Truth and the Meaning of Life that inconvenience the Churchianity System. They don’t want you to find these things out for yourself; no, they want you to rely on the Church to tell you what’s what.

Luke 17:21 “For behold the kingdom of God is within you.”

4)  The idea that you can find God on your own by way of meditation and “seeking within,” instead of going to Church to be told what to believe, is also a threat to Churchianity. Nevermind the “seeking within” approach is probably more Biblical.

5) Tight yoga pants cause impure thoughts among the weak minded.  Actually, of all the explanations this is the only one that makes any sense (link to hilarious video).

The bottom line is, IMHO, that people worry too much.  People of Faith might be tempted by hot bodies doing the downward dog, but they aren’t so insecure that they can’t handle the presence of other spiritual ideas while stretching their hamstrings. 

Someday Eastern and Western knowledge will merge and the “war” between Atlantis and East Asia will finally end. Science will eventually prove the existence of the subtle/energy body and eastern-style healing modalities will become  everyday parts of Western life. Christian denial of the subtle body in the end will be proven an error, and Christians of all stripes will just get over it. Meanwhile on the other side of the planet, Asians will acknowledge, and eventually become comfortable with, the idea of a personal Savior/God and forgiveness by Grace. My prediction: In a generation or two everyone will look back and wonder what the fuss was all about.

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Grumpy Old Men indeed:

ATLANTA—Frederick Thomas, 73, of Cleveland, Ga.; Dan Roberts, 67, of Toccoa, Ga.; Ray H. Adams, 65, of Toccoa; and Samuel J. Crump, 68, of Toccoa, were arrested today relating to plans to obtain an unregistered explosive device and silencer and to manufacture the biological toxin ricin for use in attacks against other U.S. citizens and government personnel and officials.

If you read the news, please notice how nowhere is the race, nationality or religion of this terror cell mentioned.  This is because because when white christians commit terrorist acts they are “lone wolves” or “lone nuts,” unlike those scaree mooslims, who are all radical terrists because, uh, sharia!   Totally logical!  So you see these guys were all just lone wolves. Four lone nuts each a “lone wolf” attacker, who like true lone wolves were actually part of a wolf pack, see?  Just have another gulp of that bourbon, because it only makes sense if you’re drunk.  

The FBI complaint alleges that in October 2011, the fellow Crump sourced the raw materials to make ricin and said he and his buds were going to make 10 pounds of it and disperse it in various cities. He discussed having a “bucket list” of government officials, business leaders and members of the media who needed to be “taken out” . . .  because that would solve . . . uh . . . what problem exactly?  I didn’t get that part.  Maybe I need another drink.

Oh wait yes I did read it somewhere: “To save the Constitution.”  It reminds me of another South Park episode, with the underpants gnomes saying first we steal the underpants . . .

1. Steal underpants
2. ?
3. Profit!

Since the destroyers of the Constitution aren’t even within these lone nuts’ gun sights I don’t get how executing this grand master plan would save the Constitution. Maybe they can explain this during their confessions; i.e., how a bunch of globalist economic hit men, none of whom would work for the government on a dare, would be devastated by these geezers gone rogue and decide oh, nevermind, here’s your Constitution, we had it here in our pockets the whole time. Huh? 

Then pour yourself another because it gets even better:  All four suspects reportedly retired from government agencies or contractors.  These Geriatric jihadis all used to work for the government and are all now pissed off at all those government employees!  You see it’s all those OTHER government employees, destroying the Constitution. Apparently they suffer no cognitive dissonance from this.  They don’t realize that, following their own logic they are part of their own problem and could’ve saved everyone the trouble by sniffing some ricin.

Now it’s time to add a handful of crazypills to your bourbon chaser:  The man who inspired this terrorist cell is an occasional guest on Fox News and the author of the book Absolved, about people who, well I guess, make ricin and kill government employees or something?  Really?  Oh, and this takes the cake:  This author/Fox news “expert,” this anti-government agitator, Tea Party leader and now inspiration apparently, lives on government disability checks.

Wait a minute . . . Is this a parody?  Or, perhaps, completely staged? Was this a sting operation, with Crump the paid instigator?  I’d type something like you just can’t make this shit up, but really, it’s so crazy it sounds made up.  Imagine a bunch of COINTELPRO agent getting drunk and then one of them saying  “Hey listen to this . . .we could . . .”

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Hmmmm . . . Is this one worth submitting?  It’s one of Italy’s financial ministers in one of several ongoing emergency meetings about the Euro.

I know I told you I don’t care about the markets . . . But if it’s funny I’m covering it!

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I’ve carried my share of nicknames, among them  Angel, Pinky and Little Pixie. What a relief no one thought to call me “Bubbles.” 

Twenty-ish years ago my then college boyfriend (present ex husband) observed  “You’re like a blissed out bouncing ball . . . or maybe an elusive pink happy bubble floating around. People try to catch you but you just float away.”

New Agers believe there exists a galactic race of beings just like this, called “orbs.”Maybe this is the real reason I’ve gone through my life feeling alienated: I’m really an alien!

Just kidding. But maybe not. Who knows?  I follow the “New Age woo woo” corner of the blogosphere for giggles and woo-coded intel, and yesterday came across description of so-called “alien” races supposedly incarnated to help people shift to the Aquarian Age or the fifth dimension or galactic consciousness or whateverthehell they call it.  The profile of an Orb Starseed fits me like my Dolce & Gabbana kittyprint stilettos; i.e., perfectly.

In the New Age “ascension” mythos, orbs are an actual race of beings: 

“In addition to glowing balls, Orbs can appear in a rainbow of colors. Barely physical, their bodies can be described as bubbles of energy. Scientists, who have researched Orbs, believe their body is made of dense groupings of charged particles called plasma. This could mean that Orbs are the simplest sentient beings in the Universe.

“In regards to polarity, Light/Dark, they appear to be polarized to the Light. Orbs feel and express “Light” feelings of love, happiness, bliss, and joy, etc. Their bodies are so fragile and sensitive that they are incapable of processing “Dark” feelings of pain and anger. Just witnessing a conflict can hurt them. Not being able to fully experience “Dark” feelings they are quite innocent in nature. Orbs are like children who never grow up. This, of course, is evident in their bubbly outgoing demeanor and child-like naiveté. They are very playful, inquisitive, and love to explore.

Like many other galactic races, Orbs have sent members of their society to represent them as starseeds on Earth. These souls have agreed to incarnate as humans on Earth to aid this planet and themselves. Below are the characteristics that I’ve found to indicate an Orb starseed.

Highly sensitive and psychic.
A common health issue is severe allergies.
Described as sweet, cute, naïve, and/or child-like.
Tend to be very well-mannered and obedient.
Tend to be very private, quiet, shy and introverted.
Are great observers and are very creative individuals.
Are passionate about learning.
Learn by observing others and repeating what they are trying to learn.
Strive for perfection.
Tend to be followers rather than leaders.
Can seem ungrounded or detached.
React to situations passively and let others take advantage of them.
Tend to ignore or run away from pain.
Find social situations challenging.

And here I thought all that came from having Venus in Pisces and Aquarius as my rising sign!

So let’s pretend this isn’t completely batshit crazy for a moment, and that orbs really exist as sentient beings, and I’m one of them. Let’s pretend for a moment that I’m an orb, shuttling about in human form during the day and floating as a ball of light on the astral while I sleep. Sounds about right: When I put my mind to it I used to be able to bilocate and remote-view easily and could even will myself into an out of body/astral travel experience. It’s been a few years since I’ve done that.  I’ve been busy, so I’m totally out of practice and couldn’t do any of it today if I tried.

Unfortunately for us “orbs” being sweet and fluffy in a world of hurt can be lonely and depressing, which can be especially difficult for orbs considering we don’t process negativity too well.  I can’t stand being around arguing people and being around hypocrisy or hostility makes me physically ill. I can’t even watch violent movies and TV shows; they completely traumatize me and I actually have to leave the room.

It’s not the blood and gore; it’s the cruelty that sticks to me like tar.  I can’t take any of it. It gives me nightmares. I still carry wounds from my first memory as a two-and-a-half year old (November 1968), and don’t get me started on junior high school. I suppose most orbs incarnated as humans are pretty wounded by the time they hit puberty.

Orbs are very empathic.  I “get” people almost right away, which makes making friends easy,  but only if it’s on a one-to-one basis.  I don’t navigate well in social situations. Any more than three people constitutes a gang or a crowd to me.  What’s the deal with THAT?  It’s probably because the more people there are, the more I feel out of place. Like an alien.


So is there anything good about being an “orb?”  Plenty!  At 45 I still have a childlike innocence about me, go figure. I could get away with murder if I were inclined that way. Which I’m not, but people automatically give me the benefit of the doubt, even if I don’t ask for it.  I go through life without strangers challenging me or questioning my motives, which saves me on time and excuses.

My ethereal, detached, almost space-cadet nature has caused many to underestimate my intelligence.  That sounds like a negative, but I’ve turned it to my advantage so many times I almost prefer it this way. Nobody has to know the real deal besides my family and my supervisory chain. Let them think I’m a dumb blonde. Really.  That’s another thing about orbs: Their egoic hangups are different than most.

Mom always said I rolled with the punches and always bounced back when life knocked me down.  It’s probably because I never stayed bitter for long.  I don’t hold grudges.  I forgive easily, even when I probably shouldn’t, but I prefer a light grudge load.

All in all, if I were to describe my energy signature, it would actually be like a floaty translucent pinkish orb.  So who knows?  Maybe I AM an alien! Maybe I should try to find my space family so I can feel “normal” every now and then. We could have a bubble convention and float around, basking in positivity and giggling like children.  That would ease my mind . . . erm . . . so is there an orb convention coming up or something?  Not on this plane.  I bet I have to wait until sleepytime . . .

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