To Have and Have Lots

I’ve put things off for WAY too long.  It’s time to get rid of about one third of my worldly possessions, and move the remainder within reach.

I have lots of stuff. I’m a Taurus, I can’t help it:  I need physical possessions, especially things that make me feel safe, secure, and comfortable. Material uncertainty, even ambiguity, will slowly drive a Taurus mad. We Taureans like to HAVE and to HOLD.  Come to think of it, marriage might have been invented by a Taurus, perhaps one with Venus in Scorpio.

Our things tell our story, for better or for worse.  Today I look at my “story” and know it’s a big mess.   “Hi, my name is Pinky I’m in limbo,” it says. “Much of what matters to me is out of reach in a money pit of a house I don’t live in. I have a ton of junk I won’t need since I’m gettting married but might need if I don’t, but I don’t like thinking about it, so it just sits there in the dark and damp, mouldering away.”

There is so much to read into that story, but for now I’ll just focus on the STUFF.

One does not need a hoarding disorder to have a complicated relationship with physical objects.   In America, even people who have difficulty paying their bills have Too Much Stuff.  Blame Credit Card Capitalism and a two-decades long national shopping binge. Americans have been trained by The Corporatocracy to associate consumer behavior with identity. “I shop therefore I am.” I’m no different than anyone else in this regard. Actually, I’m probably worse.

Identity-shopping WILL lead to wayyyyyyy too much stuff eventually, since we go through several life stages and/or frequently change our minds about who we want to be.  Who are we, or more like, who do we want people to think we are?  Athletic? We have gear. Tech savvy? We have gadgets. Cultured? We have books and wine cabinets and cigar boxes.  “Good parents?” Cribs and carseats and toys and bikes and . . .

Bleah.

The solution is to get rid of the stuff when it no longer has a place in our lives, but too many of us have a problem letting go.  We spent good money on it (so?). We might “need it” again (doubt it).  It could be worth money someday (unlikely).  For some of us, that quarterly haul to Goodwill is cathartic, but for the of us, our stuff only litters our lives and makes us unhappy.

Then, there is the hoarding. I definitely went through a hoarding phase during a particularly fearful and lonely part of my life.

Most hoarding behavior is anxiety-driven, fear being more deep-seated than guilt or regret. I can relate to this woman‘s struggle against hoarding. In fact, just to share, here’s where I store the paper goods.  And that’s not all! I still have over 50 rolls of toilet paper stored at an unoccupied house 30 miles away. A house that’s still chock full of STUFF. While shopping I resist buying more because irrational anxieties notwithstanding, I know there will not be a Toilet Paper Apocalypse. At some point one just needs to say enough already.

Beth Shak admits her bad marriage fueled her shoe addiction

As a Taurus, I know that in addition to my need for physical security I have a weakness for luxury, especially luxury the form of material objects with staying power.  I have good taste and for the most part do not regret the majority of my purchases. However, I can see the main categories in which I went overboard back in the day:  Fancy shoes, clothes, alcohol, housewares and books.  I didn’t need them; rather I was lonely, and I bought them to fill the emptiness inside.  It’s a lot to haul around, and I still have the VISA bill, so technically I haven’t even paid for it all yet.

I’m not alone, though:  I know people who claim to be immune to marketing, people who would never admit to questionable shopping/hoarding tendencies, yet who express frustration at their cluttered living conditions, thinking (erroneously) that they don’t have enough space.  At least when I express my own frustration over Too Much Shit I know where the frustration comes from; i.e., a feeling of loss of control, of disregulation, of a life ruled by Fear instead of Love. We use STUFF to fill the Void.

Oh yummy BPA-lined cans. Shit.

For instance, I know my Apocalypse Pantry from 2007-2008 came from a place of Fear. Five years later its contents are 80% used up and I’m in no rush to replace them.   I’ve lost that Doomer mindset and my prepping is more practical today, oriented more toward temporary weather conditions and supply shortages than TEOTWAWKI.   There are folks much better prepped than I who still stockpile food and gear the way squirrels bury nuts.  They may be unable to shake their sense of creeping doom, but I suspect it’s probably not due to their lack of material possessions but due to the Core Fear, i.e., a deep-seated (possibly genetic or medical) anxiety that would probably be better served by a dose of Zoloft, some magnesium and vitamin D supplements, a good book or movie, a big turkey dinner and a cuddle.

(NOTE: I no longer hoard canned goods, mostly due to the fact that they’re lined with bisphenol-A.  What remains of my prepping hoard is mostly dried foods.)

When is “enough enough?”  A good sign that it’s time to slow down is when you need a management system to look after it all. Unfortunately for my habits, on this point both Spooky and I agree: There is no such thing as too many books. Mine are even Dewey-Decimaled:  The above photograph shows series 300 through 800. Series 100-300 are in Spooky’s library (which is bigger than mine), and the 900’s are in what will someday be the parlor.

Spooky and I are in the market for more bookshelves, including built-ins, so this is one area where I won’t be downsizing.  Moving right along, I guess that means I need to take a look at . . .

HOUSEHOLD GOODS.

In addition to a life of accumulating and fear based hoarding there are the complications that arive from combining households.  His Stuff + Her Stuff + Kids Stuff = Lots of Stuff.

For instance, between the two of us Spooky and I have enough dishes and drinkware to host a party of 50 or more. That hasn’t stopped us from acquiring more, but at least those purchases are driven by love instead of fear. So much adorable crockery, so little room to store it!  We rotate sets just to keep things in play and interesting. At some point though, we’ll need to concede that we don’t need six sets of dishes, four sets of drinkware, four stereos, three CD players, and three ironing boards.

After a lifetime of working, mothering, collecting and . . . I admit it . . . hoarding . . . I’ve concluded it’s better to live the Curated Life. Maybe it’s a life stage thing, since I see many older people downsize their lives as they get close to retirement, especially after their children leave the house.  I’m not ready to call myself “old” and I’m nowhere near retirement (unfortunately). I just think about it a lot.

“To curate” is a verb  from L. curatus, pp. of curare “to take care of.”  It means to oversee possessions, such as those of a parish or museum, but the word can be applied to how we manage our own lives.  A curator does more than stand guard over a bunch of junk; s/he is required to know his/her subject deeply and arrange things in a way that intentionally tells a story.

An important part of curating involves eliminating what doesn’t fit the narrative.  A museum curator might store or loan whole collections while telling a certain story.  She will sell or donate items that don’t blend well with the narrative, and she’ll acquire only those objects that contribute to the narrative.  I want to curate my own life in the same manner.

Love versus Fear is what I ponder while I putter around my other house, deciding what stays and what goes. I have not sold my house for a multitude of reasons, primarily the bad market and the fact that Spooky and I aren’t married yet.  My house is my only real asset besides Bunny’s college savings. So long as the housing market favors buyers over sellers, my instinct is to hold on.  The furnace and the water supply upstairs are turned off.  Unfortunately this means the dampness has begun to effect what I’ve left there.

So . . . What am I keeping it all for?  What’s with the magazines? Who needs that many dishes and glasswear? Why do I still have queen and twin sized sheets when I put the twin and queen mattresses out to bulk trash last August? Am I really saving my belongings for Bunny? Does she even want them? Am I too busy to deal with it all?  If there is “no place” for it at Spooky’s house, why not get rid of it and take the tax deduction?  What does it mean if I’m too frightened to do that? Am I afraid that the wedding will never happen?  Am I afraid I’ll have to move back to my old house someday?

Those are uncomfortable questions, rooted in Fear.  What would I do if I were motivated by Love instead?  I’d just move everything I could to Spooky’s and dump the remainder at Goodwill, that’s what. Paying a higher gas bill to keep an unoccupied home heated and dried bothers me, because it would be cheaper, frankly, to rent a U-Haul. Avoiding this decision does not serve my interests, but forcing the decision brings an even bigger issue to a head: What’s the Master Plan?

No matter what the future brings, I need to ACT.  Fortunately, during the last month or so it’s clear that I have acted. Two weeks ago I hauled many perfectly good objects to Goodwill, furniture and dishes and decor,  because I knew we’d never use them at Spooky’s.  Last weekend I rescued my books and some of my linens, which had begun to smell of mold.  For days the books were splayed out in Spooky’s sunny Florida room to dry, and I broke down and bought a can of poison (Lysol) to spray their pages.

I still fear for mother’s Victorian silk sofa and chairs, still at my house sitting unused in the humidity. They need to come home, to my new home here at Spooky’s.  The parlor awaits, empty 3 years and counting.  After I pay Bunny’s spring tuition, I’ll need to save money for a major furniture haul.  Moving Day is nigh . . . but first, the purge.

to be continued . . .

Read Full Post »

Incensed by Worldly Trappings

Oh, I’m so sorry I missed it: On Christmas some old priest-king clad in Prada slippers, flowing robes of silken embroidery and an enormous bejeweled golden hat warned Christians that the true meaning of Christmas was being lost to a sinful pursuit of “glitter.” Ya don’t say, Mr. Sparkle-Pontiff!

H/T: Wonkette

Read Full Post »

Sunday Skool: The Downward Dog of Doom

Yet another excuse to avoid the gym! Who knew yoga was demonic?  Pastor Driscoll is at it again, warning the Flock away from the exercise trend of the decade:

“A faithful Christian can no more say they are practicing yoga for Jesus than they can say they are committing adultery for Jesus.”

It looks as though this controversial pastor has been warning his faithful against yoga for a long time:

 Yoga is demonic,” Driscoll said. “If you just sign up for a little yoga class, you’re signing up for a little demon class.”

Of course, this is the same pastor who said the movie Avatar was Satanic.

Many fundamentalist Christians have specific reasons for being suspicious of yoga.  Others simply don’t know much about it, but once introduced they relax. Sometimes literally, in class.  Unfortunately many fundamentalist preachers try to warn off their flock, convinced that yoga is the path to the Devil. Most of their reasons don’t make sense to a rational mind, and some aren’t even consistent with Biblical teachings.   I suppose cognitive dissonance is a small price to pay for keeping the Churchianity Control System in place.  I’ve done some wondering and reading, and I’ve concluded the conflict may be summed:

We’ve Always Been At War With Eastasia

1) Many Fundamentalists believe yoga cannot be separated from Eastern religious thought, which is supposedly antithetical to Christian beliefs.  Nevermind that it’s not.   This argument is also demonstrably false: People separate the Hindu belief system from their yoga exercises every day. People do yoga without ohming or chanting, and most folks know less than zero about Hindu gods. They associate Buddhism with calm states of being but don’t get too deeply into it.

Even if practitioners don’t separate the exercise and religious parts, eastern and western religious tenets really aren’t that different .   There are only a few differences, but apparently to fundamentalists they are dealbreakers.

1 Corinthians 3:16  Do you not know that you are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in you?

2) God Forbid:  Clearing the mind supposedly leaves space for “satan” to enter.  That it might create space for God to enter apparently hasn’t occurred to them.  I believe this comes from the dualistic thought processes of many westerners, i.e., clearing the mind creates “empty space,” a void that must be filled by something.  Somebody needs to reassure fundamentalists that “emptying the mind” is just a figure of speech, because in the holographic/fractal/timeless universe of God there is noplace else to go. God is All.

3)  Acknowledgement of the Energy Body or the Subtle Body – i.e., the idea that what makes you You is  more than just your physical form – is apparently a threat to Church doctrine. Soul/spirit is supposed to be a big part of the Christian faith, but getting in touch with that part of your Self that isn’t confined to your body, the part that is supposedly connected to the Divine, is WAY out of bounds.  If you get in touch with your energy body you might discover insights about God, Truth and the Meaning of Life that inconvenience the Churchianity System. They don’t want you to find these things out for yourself; no, they want you to rely on the Church to tell you what’s what.

Luke 17:21 “For behold the kingdom of God is within you.”

4)  The idea that you can find God on your own by way of meditation and “seeking within,” instead of going to Church to be told what to believe, is also a threat to Churchianity. Nevermind the “seeking within” approach is probably more Biblical.

5) Tight yoga pants cause impure thoughts among the weak minded.  Actually, of all the explanations this is the only one that makes any sense (link to hilarious video).

The bottom line is, IMHO, that people worry too much.  People of Faith might be tempted by hot bodies doing the downward dog, but they aren’t so insecure that they can’t handle the presence of other spiritual ideas while stretching their hamstrings. 

Someday Eastern and Western knowledge will merge and the “war” between Atlantis and East Asia will finally end. Science will eventually prove the existence of the subtle/energy body and eastern-style healing modalities will become  everyday parts of Western life. Christian denial of the subtle body in the end will be proven an error, and Christians of all stripes will just get over it. Meanwhile on the other side of the planet, Asians will acknowledge, and eventually become comfortable with, the idea of a personal Savior/God and forgiveness by Grace. My prediction: In a generation or two everyone will look back and wonder what the fuss was all about.

Read Full Post »

Geezers Gone Wild

Grumpy Old Men indeed:

ATLANTA—Frederick Thomas, 73, of Cleveland, Ga.; Dan Roberts, 67, of Toccoa, Ga.; Ray H. Adams, 65, of Toccoa; and Samuel J. Crump, 68, of Toccoa, were arrested today relating to plans to obtain an unregistered explosive device and silencer and to manufacture the biological toxin ricin for use in attacks against other U.S. citizens and government personnel and officials.

If you read the news, please notice how nowhere is the race, nationality or religion of this terror cell mentioned.  This is because because when white christians commit terrorist acts they are “lone wolves” or “lone nuts,” unlike those scaree mooslims, who are all radical terrists because, uh, sharia!   Totally logical!  So you see these guys were all just lone wolves. Four lone nuts each a “lone wolf” attacker, who like true lone wolves were actually part of a wolf pack, see?  Just have another gulp of that bourbon, because it only makes sense if you’re drunk.  

The FBI complaint alleges that in October 2011, the fellow Crump sourced the raw materials to make ricin and said he and his buds were going to make 10 pounds of it and disperse it in various cities. He discussed having a “bucket list” of government officials, business leaders and members of the media who needed to be “taken out” . . .  because that would solve . . . uh . . . what problem exactly?  I didn’t get that part.  Maybe I need another drink.

Oh wait yes I did read it somewhere: “To save the Constitution.”  It reminds me of another South Park episode, with the underpants gnomes saying first we steal the underpants . . .

1. Steal underpants
2. ?
3. Profit!

Since the destroyers of the Constitution aren’t even within these lone nuts’ gun sights I don’t get how executing this grand master plan would save the Constitution. Maybe they can explain this during their confessions; i.e., how a bunch of globalist economic hit men, none of whom would work for the government on a dare, would be devastated by these geezers gone rogue and decide oh, nevermind, here’s your Constitution, we had it here in our pockets the whole time. Huh? 

Then pour yourself another because it gets even better:  All four suspects reportedly retired from government agencies or contractors.  These Geriatric jihadis all used to work for the government and are all now pissed off at all those government employees!  You see it’s all those OTHER government employees, destroying the Constitution. Apparently they suffer no cognitive dissonance from this.  They don’t realize that, following their own logic they are part of their own problem and could’ve saved everyone the trouble by sniffing some ricin.

Now it’s time to add a handful of crazypills to your bourbon chaser:  The man who inspired this terrorist cell is an occasional guest on Fox News and the author of the book Absolved, about people who, well I guess, make ricin and kill government employees or something?  Really?  Oh, and this takes the cake:  This author/Fox news “expert,” this anti-government agitator, Tea Party leader and now inspiration apparently, lives on government disability checks.

Wait a minute . . . Is this a parody?  Or, perhaps, completely staged? Was this a sting operation, with Crump the paid instigator?  I’d type something like you just can’t make this shit up, but really, it’s so crazy it sounds made up.  Imagine a bunch of COINTELPRO agent getting drunk and then one of them saying  “Hey listen to this . . .we could . . .”

Read Full Post »

Aaaaannnd . . . It’s Gone. Poof!

Trick or Treat! Looks like we have another Madoff on our hands.  Via Zero Hedge:

Regulators Investigating MF Global for Missing Money

By BEN PROTESS, MICHAEL J. DE LA MERCED and SUSANNE CRAIG
9:55 p.m. | Updated
Federal regulators have discovered that hundreds of millions of dollars in customer money has gone missing from MF Global in recent days, prompting an investigation into the brokerage firm, which is run by Jon S. Corzine, the former New Jersey governor, several people briefed on the matter said on Monday.

The recognition that money was missing scuttled at the 11th hour an agreement to sell a major part of MF Global to a rival brokerage firm. MF Global had staked its survival on completing the deal. Instead, the New York-based firm filed for bankruptcy on Monday.

Regulators are examining whether MF Global diverted some customer funds to support its own trades as the firm teetered on the brink of collapse. (more)

According to this particular “Tyler Durden,” here’s how the MF Global scandal is different from the Bernie Madoff scandal: 

Thousands of MF clients are about to realize that money they thought they had, even if completely unencumbered with other assets, read pure cash, read money not at risk, is now gone forever, and they will have to wait years until the bankruptcy process determines if the claim deserves priority status to the unsecured bondholders. 

Shorter Tyler: At least the Madoff investors knew they were taking risks!  The Federal Reserve has taken MF Global off its list of primary dealers.  MF employees were not allowed on the commodities trading floors today. This particular scandal may cause a bank run, for real this time, because investors are slowly beginning to realize they can’t trust anyone on Wall Street.  And it’s about damn time people finally figured this out.

Read Full Post »

Dexslexia

Belgian styled negotiations?

Are you watching Belgium implode?  Me neither!  However, the latest development in the Late Great Banking System Collapse is what those watching the ALTA (web bot) project call a “Temporal Marker.” A temporal marker is a signpost on a time journey. Sometimes the signs are complicated and difficult to decipher, so much that even the most clever analysts will get things backwards.

Dexia, a major French-Belgian financial institution, is collapsing  and about to be nationalized.  If you’re an American you might yawn and say “so what,” but if you do it’s likely because you didn’t know that Dexia was very high on the list of banks that were TARPED – AKA bailed out – by the US Taxpayer a few years ago.  The biggest TARP loan recipients were European banks, not American.  Your tax dollars at work! Dexia was also targeted by the Bernie Madoff ponzi, took major hits when Iceland imploded, and is over-exposed to the Greek debt mess.  Speaking of which, did you know Greece’s Prime Minister George Papandreou is an American? Oh, what a tangled web. 

While eyes are on Dexia two other European banks have succumbed to nationalization: Danish Max Bank and Greek Proton Bank.  Both are insolvent, and one of them is under investigation for money laundering and fraud. 

 Meanwhile on the U.S. side of the pond banks both large and small are being nationalized without fanfare.   It’s all a part of the process:  Soon most, if not all, major banks will be nationalized and backstopped by citizen taxpayers.  Privatize gains and socialize losses:  This is what the Powers That Be have ALWAYS DONE, since Babylonian times at least. I suspect it won’t be long until the Grand Re-Boot, at which point the “great cycle,” another global skimming operation or “Enterprise,” will begin anew.

Still . . . Something funny happened on the way to Globalization.  It seems as though every Power Center in the world now understands the major phases of a IMF-styled Fractional Reserve Banking Takedown. They’re all taking advantage of this knowledge and screwing each other over. In other words Karma is a BITCH, and we get to watch.

(PSST: When visiting the folks in Minnesota my stepfather, a former Federal Reserve Bank VP, mused, “The system used to work.  But now that everyone knows how it works, it doesn’t work anymore.”)

Belgium was to be the seat of Europe’s answer to the so-called New World Order (European Union), but as you can clearly see the Grand Plan is not working out too well.  Belgium doesn’t even have a government:  It collapsed a few years ago and hasn’t been able to get itself together since.  The two major fronts for the EU project, Sarkozy and Merkel, aka Punch and Judy, are putting on a grand show, playacting a “rescue” that will never succeed.  “We have a secret plan, right here in our back pockets,” they sing. 

Riiight.

So what does this have to do with the rest of the world?

EVERYTHING.   Don’t look at countries when trying to make sense of things because you’ll only confuse yourself.  These are supra-national entities warring with one another and here’s the upshot: What Global Banking Faction A had PLANNED (for well over a century) to do to Global Banking Faction B has been turned on its head:  Faction A is now getting its own master plan shoved down its collective(ist) throat. 

The stage show has finally made its way to the United States with the “Occupy Wall Street” so-called movement.  Don’t worry:  Most of the demonstrations are coordinated and encouraged by Western intelligence operatives. The wise have already observed how the time worn Soros-backed “color revolution” phenomena is TRYING to take root in the US.  If we’re lucky the pre-determined outcome will be accomplished without too much bloodshed. It’s all just stage drama and I don’t want to be caught up in any of it, but I am taking note of where we are in the process. 

Right now it’s pretty obvious that we are in the “Fake Revolution” phase of a shakedown/takedown.  “Revolution” is an optional late stage in the Takedown process, initiated when targeted Powers resist turning over their assets at fire sale prices to other Powers calling in debts.   The bottom line is that these “spontaneous uprisings” are anything but.

What makes THIS time interesting is the late-game emergence of an underground breakaway-society with an agenda.  The Undergrounders hold all sorts of new technology which may very well change the outcome of this latest greatest bankster shakedown.  Either that OR – and here’s the part that makes one want to throw up one’s hands and give up – The Undergrounders are working for the banksters and are emerging now to enforce the pre-determined outcome.

A slightly garbled explanation may be found at Half Past Human:

The data suggests that as the derivative implosion initiated by the psychopaths erupts from compression to smouldering to flames over October, the ‘giants’ will be faced by a new competitor as Civilization One will make its move. Their goal is much as the banksters in that they want as much of the ‘hard asset’ currencies, or other leverage, as may be obtained. In much the same fashion that the Vikings preyed upon the those of more southern Europe, spurred to action by radical climate change, those humans involved in Civilization 1/One (the underground pan global alliance of military industrial complexes centered around reverse engineered space alien technology), are forced by circumstances to prey on terrestrial humanity. Note that the banksters, even those aware that they are serving Civilization 1/one, will be very very surprised by the upcoming series of events involved in this Grunch as they, also, will be victims.

Did you get through that? Did it make ANY sense whatsoever?  Not if you’re new to the party! Grunch? Civilization One? Reversed-Engineered space alien technology? What? The? Fuck? Is? That?  

I’ll give you a little hint:  It’s time for some way-overdue technology insertions.  Read some Buckminster Fuller because he knew the score. Grunch stands for GRoss Universal Cash Heist, one that could cause a mass die-off as the world’s fractional reserve currencies go tits-up. This is the End Game, folks, but will it end as planned?  HMMM whose plan?

Read Full Post »

All I want for Christmas

BRAAAAAAIIIINSSSS

Is my old brain back.  Actually, it hasn’t been so great for a few years. Can I go back to my 1988 brain?

It was once thought that lack of estrogen was responsible for memory loss in women beginning their trips toward menopause.  Fortunately the medical establishment has changed its mind because if I were to start taking estrogen now I would go MAD.  Estrogen dominance or estrogen depletion?   Estrogen can spike and dip erratically during perimenopause. Do I supplement, or not? GAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Fortunately it’s not a dilemma I need to face:  Researchers have discovered that although estrogen is important for vasomotor skills and brain functioning, estrogen does little to improve a bad memory.  Still, you’ll find all sorts of advice all over the internet that the answer to menopausal memory loss is estrogen hormone replacement therapy (HRT).  The drug companies gotta make their profits donchaknow, nevermind that HRT contributes to estrogen dominance and makes things worse.

So. if estrogen loss isn’t the culprit, what is?  The good knews is also the bad news:  The symptoms of menopause themselves are responsible for the cognitive problems.  Hot flashes and sleep loss.  Heavy menstruation, mood swings. Hormone fluctuations and imbalance, basically.  They cause anemia and massive stress, which in turn cause memory loss. It really is that simple.

First, let’s talk about all the blood loss:  I don’t care how smart and determined you are, because when not enough blood gets to the brain you’ll start experiencing memory loss, period. No pun intended. I can report from direct personal experience that blood loss causes brain fog and confusion, and a complete lack of awareness or caring that one might actually die from it.

An acute bleed, on the other hand, can mess with the mind. “When patients bleed significantly from a hemorrhage and they are anemic, until they get replenished with blood they may end up having cognitive dysfunction because of loss of oxygen to the brain,” says Shander. 

“Some women can be chronically anemic from heavy periods. They may need to stay on long-term iron therapy until bleeding is managed or stops with menopause,” Lukes says.

– Pumping Iron: Replenishing Iron After Anemia

Even more importantly, being jerked around by one’s hormones is extremely stressful and exhausting, especially when PMS morphs into PMDD, where even suicidal thoughts, even if unwarranted and unwanted, can haunt the mind.  It craps out the adrenals, which then can’t create important hormones because they’re too busy making cortisol to deal with the stress. Stress leads to cognitive trouble, which leads to relationship problems, which create more stress, including stress blackouts, the penultimate form of memory loss, second only to alzheimers.

It’s a vicious cycle. Women feel terrible, don’t perform well and feel guilty about it.  They feel as though they’re not good enough mothers. They feel like they’re screwing up at work (they probably are). Their relationships with friends and loved ones crash upon the rocks. Mind over matter doesn’t work, which causes even more stress. 

Worse of all, the people around them don’t understand what’s going on, and thus offer no support whatsoever.  Instead of support, women just get anger, blame, rejection, and when a loved one has a sadistic streak, “punishment,” which only backfires, because the problem isn’t lack of discipline. On the contrary it causes even more stress, which only increases the odds of future blackouts. 

  guilt vs. remorse

So what to do? 

Do whatever I can to steady my hormones.  Other than that, the only apparent treatments are sleep, a good diet, a multivitamin, a mineral supplement, exercise and stress reduction. Menopause will solve the problem when it’s all over.  That’s it. That’s all I can do, besides ride it out. Which leads to the obvious question: What the fuck kind of solution is THAT?  I don’t have the time or leeway to wait. I’m only45.  I have people in my life and a technical and math-intensive job. But with the exception of a multivitamin or mineral supplement to eliminate any deficiencies there are no drugs, no “brain foods,” no herbal supplements that will do a damn bit of good. Women take black cohosh, but really, does it work? The jury is out.  It may only be good for hot flashes. Believe me, hot flashes are the least of my troubles.

I’ve checked my screaming oracles at ifate.com twice on this menopause madness.  The I-Ching has never let me down; I’m always able to come away from a reading with a good feel for what needs to be done.  Both times the message was, tough luck, there will be pitfalls, this is a test of faith, you need to remain vigilant and persevere, but resistance is futile.  The I-Ching actually said Resistance is futile.  I am not to fight with my mind, but just observe what it is doing. Wait it out. Rest. Spend some time alone. It’s temporary, and there will be deliverance and joy at the end. 

In the mean time . . . here’s what us ladies have to look forward to with perimenopause if we haven’t gone through it already. They look like the signs of early alzheimers, yes?  Fortunately alzheimers doesn’t run in my family. I can lick this memory problem I should remain sharp until my 100’s. Anyway, the ones with the red X are what I’m going through now:

THINKING CHANGES

• Losing your train of thought more often than in the past X
• Forgetting what you came into a room to get more than in the past X
• Not being able to concentrate as well upon demand X
• Feeling foggy, hazy, and cotton-headed and not being able to clear it up at will X
• Experiencing a thought blockade: an inability to pull ideas out at will
• Fluctuating agility in prioritizing as well as in the past

SPEECH CHANGES

• Naming difficulties for long-known names: children, best friends, things, places X
• Finding yourself at a loss for words in how to express something while speaking
• Experiencing “It’s on the tip of my tongue but I can’t get it out” sensation
• Making malapropisms: saying wrong words that are related some how to the intended one
• Reversing whole words while speaking
• Reversing the first letters of words while speaking
• Experiencing “echo” words as unintentional intrusions into present speech
• Relying on “filler” words more often: “whatchamacallit,” “that thing,” “you know what I mean” X
• Organizing sentences and ideas less efficiently while speaking

CHANGES IN THE “BEAM” OF ATTENTION

• Blinking social attention when interested and interacting: listening but not always attending X
• Blanking-out amnesia for what you just did X
• Experiencing increased distractability X

MEMORY CHANGES: SHORT- AND LONG-TERM

• Forgetting what you just did, or past occurrences, with no threads of association to getting back to what’s missing: missing links X
• Changing certainty in how words should be spelled in once good or great spellers X
• Fluctuating agility in calculating and in “counting with a quick scanning look” X
• Experiencing changes in the speed and accuracy of memory retrieval X
• Forgetting the content of a movie right after seeing it but remembering your emotional reaction to it X

BEHAVIORAL CHANGES

• Making behavioral “malapropisms”: unintended slips in behavior that are related to the intended behavior somehow, such as putting shampoo inthe refrigerator X
• Forgetting briefly how to do things long known, such as where to turn on the computer X
• Feeling that automatic skills such as driving for a few moments are not “automatic” in the same way as usual
• Dropping things more often that require fine finger/hand coordination X
• Absentmindedly, leaving out or reversing letters in words while writing
• Forgetting how to write a word in the middle of writing and having to leave blanks
• Experiencing “translating” hesitations in converting what’s heard into writing
• Not handling the same amount of stress in the same way X

SPATIAL SKILLS CHANGES

• Changing skill in remembering and/or recognizing faces (not well-known faces)
• “Looking at but not seeing” what you are looking for when it’s right there ultimately, more than in the past X
• Changing reading skill in visually “seeing” and comprehending reading material
• Spending less time reading, without difficulties above (for formerly heavy-duty readers)
• Forgetting briefly how to get to long-known landmarks in your life X
• Experiencing familiar locales in one’s experience as momentarily unfamiliar X

ALTERED SENSE OF TIME

• Forgetting appointments more or not anticipating events of personal importance with the same accuracy as in the past X
• Forgetting important events in your personal history timeline, i.e., which breast you had biopsied X
• “Living more in the moment” out of necessity: a “spliced-film-frames” sense of personal time X

Read Full Post »

Laser Craters

Early last May I announced the intention to return to my laser doctor for a series of treatments, including Fraxel.  So how did it go? Terrible!

Who knew?  One of the possible side effects of laser treatments, even those meant to eliminate cystic acne scars, is cystic acne!  GAHHHHH!

So I was punished for my vanity with two new scars, one on my chin and the other on my cheek.  I didn’t even get the Fraxel; I’d settled for a basic rosacea treatment.   I’d never gotten post-laser breakouts before, but back in the day my hormones weren’t kicking my ass they way they are now.  My doc told me to wait until my breakouts stopped before trying again.   I may actually have to wait until menopause!

Now my focus is on removing scars the old fashioned way:  Retin-A and glycolic acid (but never at the same time).  Adding copper peptides to the mix should help, because they are anti-inflammatory. Hopefully the growth factor serums (I’m testing Reluma and AG) will help too.  We shall see.

Read Full Post »

Anarchists in Da Haus

We are not scared any more. Your threats to arrest us are meaningless to us as you cannot arrest an idea.

(French accent) Uh oh. La Resistance! Eet has begun!

Sigh.  OK,if you MUST. Just . . . Sigh. Here ya go.  WHATEVER you do, if you have to get involved, just be original. Don’t dress like those Euro-weenie nihilist-anarchists who express their individuality by looking exactly alike! (I’m a fashionista, I have standards. I can’t help it.)

My advice to the earnest:

1. Beware of any video, website or plan that looks too “slick.” If it’s beautifully and expensively produced (Zeitgeist, etc.), and especially if it purports to be a “news” site but with no visible means of support, somebody’s tax monies – or some very rich PTB type – probably paid for it.

2. If it’s a “foreign” website meant for an English speaking audience, it’s probably a (DoD funded – hi guys!) psyop.

3. Beware the agent provacateurs. No, not the lingerie models(NSFW), though you should probably beware of them too.  I mean the Feds pretending to be Reds. The agents are “flash mobbing” in Philadelphia this week (yawn). Those booted bandana brigades are likely on somebody’s payroll.

4. Mind the minders. “Anonymous” is not anonymous. There is no such thing. 

The stakes are really high here. This is a bankster faction war, with an “enemy within” as perceived by the present Powers, with double and triple agents working at cross purposes to one another. We’re in the middle of an End Game.  Wannabe anarchists, if you think you can figure out who’s who in this clusterfuck, you’re delusional. You can’t tell the black hats from the white, so be really, really, really careful about picking sides. If you do pick sides, just know that someday you may despair that you picked the wrong one.

For instance, if you’re not a fan of socialism, maybe you want to avoid being caught up in the “world revolution” at your doorstep. Look up the term “useful idiot” and the basic steps involved in such takeovers. Then think about it.

Then again, for all we know the bankster factions are just fighting over who gets to live off the labor of the American/European/African slaves (us), in which case I wouldn’t want to help any of them, including letting my rage be channeled into activities that ultimately serve their interests.

Besides, would I want my “brilliant anarchist plans” to totally bollux a nearby operation run by people who really DO have the country’s best interests at heart? If there are any? Personally, I would never take that chance.

I have faith in the US military.  Of course, I’m biased since I work for them. I don’t care. I’m just going to let those (former . . . ish?) rangers, seals, crows and Flying Templars do their thing, because really, do you think they’d be standing idly by? Hah! They actually held up their hands and swore to uphold the Constitution and literally devoted their lives to American interests, so I’m inclined to take them at their word. Me thinks they are extra, extra busy these days.

All hail Discordia and all that – I’ll do my part to frustrate the Controllers with GIGO. I’m also prepped up the wazoo. But the Powers and the Controllers rely HEAVILY on our electronic footprints. The ultimate way to frustrate the hell out of them is not to SIGN UP for the resistance, for God’s sake, or express your creative rage on the internet. It’s to make your trail go cold!

Read Full Post »

Wienerdammerung

 Anthony Weiner vows to fight on despite pressure

We have reached peak peen-pun territory – so many jokes, so little time – and I thought this congresscritter was going to quit and find work as a Froot of the Loom spokesbulge.  But no, after a 24/7 media carnival and a tearful confession Rep Wiener refused to resign.  So the Powers released the hounds: A photo of Wiener’s wiener, recently escaped from boxer-brief prison.  Somebody really, really wants this man gone!

He didn’t follow proper politician protocol though:  He didn’t even have sex with the women he sexted. There were no live boys, diapers, auto-erotic asphyxiations, sex clubs,  call girls or farm animals.  BO-Ring!!!

Oh, and his wife is pregnant, which opens another door to a series of unending jokes and puns.  I see she kept her maiden name, a good call on her part.  Anyway, why do I dignify this story by commenting on it?  It’s because it’s time to drop another intel gem in your pocket:  Any time there is a media circus surrounding something this inane, something very serious is going on behind the scenes, probably military and/or  intelligence related, but definitely something the Powers don’t want the media to cover or the public to know about.  

Such as, perhaps, the fact that we’ve reached the National Debt limit and are about to default?  Maybe! 

The US government is raiding government employee retirement funds to pay its bills, and there is even (revived) buzz about the government potentially confiscating nationalizing private 401ks they way Argentina did to its citizens in 2008, to kick the economic can down the road for a few more years.  Sort of like what Congress did to the Social Security fund under Clinton:  Claimed it as general revenue, and promptly spent it. I think that’s newsworthy, don’t you? 

The last several weeks have seen nothing but sex scandals and inanity coming out of the media, both mainstream and alternative.  The media even resurrected the John Edwards baby-daddy scandal from that time in when Georgia, likely aided by western intelligence, blew up a NATO building in Ossetia (with 50 or so Russian soldiersin it), and tried to make it look like Russia invaded Georgia.  For three days there was 24/7 coverage of Senator Good Hair, his New-Age airhead mistress, and his cancer-ridden wife, because it took 3 days for Russia to respond militarily and the media to start huffing and puffing about “Russian aggression.”  That’s when I canceled my cable TV account: I’d had enough.

2008 War in Ossetia:  Georgia’s president Saakashvili ended up eating his tie over the whole matter

The US government’s “disinvestment” of Federal retirement funds hits especially close to home:  This is MY 401k, after all, since I’ve worked for the government for 23 years.  I saw it coming, though, when I took the Red Pill in 2007:  I stopped contributing to the fund and started buying precious metals, food, and camping year, because the only “retirement” I figured I’d be able to afford would be in a national park somewhere with other homeless families on their eternal camping trips.  I still have what money I had in already – I got out of the stock market just in time and jumped back in when the Dow hit 666 (it seemed appropriate), and I’ve diversified best I can but I fear it’s all for naught:  The law says we’ll be “made whole” eventually, but with what, if the country defaults?

Read Full Post »